The Newest Element in the Periodic Table
turbotodd 100000388Y Comments (2) Visits (2001)
Apparently, a researcher has discovered a new element in the periodic table:
"A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named 'Ibmentium.' Ibmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Ibmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Ibmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second."
Actually, I would have to correct the chemistry researcher and point out that for every deputy neutron at IBM there are actually 1,000 peons...but who's splitting atoms...er, hairs.
As for being inert, whoever wrote this clearly hasn't studied the elements at IBM anytime recently!