I fell asleep dreaming, even as I hit the pillow, glad to be free of that whining analyst on the third floor. Every time he sends me a report, it turns out to be worse than wrong. It's too wrong to be worth the paper it's printed on, yet his supervisors say he's the next Einstein. When I ask him personally about the paper's details, he just scratches his head. When I ask about his conclusions, he scratches it again. Whenever other people ask him for things, he just bobs his head like everything is under control. So between bobbing his head and scratching it, I nickname him Bob Scratchit. Many can appreciate the irony.
But I had acted on his analysis. Woe came to me in waves for many weeks. Nobody wanted to sit with me in the lunch room, return my phone calls or give me access to the data necessary to see what-went-wrong. I became a scourge and a pariah. I blame Scratchit. He started it. My partner had also listened to and acted on Scratchit's advice. He was practically perp-walked out the door and doesn't look particularly good in an orange jumpsuit. I need to watch myself, because Scratchit always has an agenda, and even if his conclusions are wrong, I get the impression that he's toying with me. And that's kinda scary.
Later that evening I startled awake as my laptop screen flashed from the other side of the room. I rose to inquire, and on the screen was the smiling face of my partner Jake, his carefully coiffed Bob Marley locks draping his shoulders. He hadn't changed much, but looked a little tired, and I wondered how he was able to find me and impose himself on my evening, like a ghost from my workplace.
"Knock, knock!" Jake said with a grin, "Anyone home?"
I touched the camera-On button, "Hi Jake, yes I'm here."
"Ahh, good to see you," he said, "Knees'er shakin'?"
"I can tell your knees-er shakin'. Don't be scared."
"Not scared. Just annoyed. It's late, can't this wait?"
"You haven't changed. Still keep puttin' things off 'till later. That's gonna change, my friend."
"I'm sending you three WebEx appointments."
"What are they about?"
"You'll see," Jake said mysteriously. "Come here every night by 8pm for the appointments." He
seemed to pause, pain written on his face, "Don't put it off, and don't take my word for it." he beeped out.
In that moment, the clock chimed for 8pm and startled me. The WebEx session fired up to reveal
the smiling face of-
"Jack Blaines," I said before he could get a word out.
"That's right, mate," the native Australian grinned broadly.
"But, I recall you from what, twenty years ago, when data warehousing was barely a concept and -"
"That's right mate, we were all part of the inception."
"You haven't aged a day - "
"Nope, and where I am, data warehousing hasn't moved an inch either. Here, we had to make the most of what we had."
"The most of data warehousing past, you mean."
"That's right, do more with less. In this time, we don't have any network bandwidth because, well, we don't have any networks. But we still have to do bulk processing and analytics."
"The hard way."
"Here's a takeaway - software only guides the hardware, but the hardware does the work. I'll bet that never changes even for you."
"Well, if I'm honest - "
Just then a series of pictures started flashing across the screen, of machines and technologies that had long ago entered the fossil graveyard of computing history.
"Look - gotta go - hard stop at midnight. see-ya."
"Wait, I have some more quest - "
But the WebEx evaporated leaving only a screen with the usual icons. Why would Jake connect me with Blains? Data warehousing of yesteryear wasn't going to help me.
As I drifted off to sleep, the screen fired-up again and another WebEx started. This time it was the smiling image of Hunter Hardwick, an aficionado of all-things-warehousing.
"Hell0 my friend," he called to me, "I'm so happy we could be together for this celebration." he then raised a glass filled with a bubbly drink.
"What are we celebrating?"
"A toast!" Hardwick ignored me, "A toast to the present-state of data warehousing."
"Hasn't data warehousing sort of - you know - been eclipsed by Big Data?"
"Oh not hardly! The Big Data technologies are still a valuable part of the warehouse, but the warehouse itself isn't going away."
"Wait a second, you're speaking of the warehouse as something larger, not just a data store."
"Well of course, the warehouse is a living environment, not unlike a brick-and-mortar warehouse, with workers, forklifts, loading docks, storage carrels and operational protocols to tie it all together."
"Okay, I see that, but why are you making a toast to data warehousing's present-state? Wouldn't you want to toast to something more profound?"
"What's not to like? Data warehousing appliances, fluid queries, various options for large-scale storage, big-ticket network bandwidth - the world is my oyster. Glasses up!"
Something overcame me and my eyes grew heavy. As much as I wanted to celebrate the present, my body could not go on. I must have slept for hours before the computer screen fired-up again and started flashing. The third WebEx foretold by my former partner Jake, now attempted to materialize on the display.
"Are you there?" I heard my own voice, am I still dreaming? "Is this thing on?"
"Yes I'm here," I said groggily, wondering if this was a recording of me.
"That's what the bad comedians say in Vegas, you know," my voice jested.
"Is this thing on?" my voice chuckled, "Hey, I'm calling you from your future," but the signal was breaking up severely, like a bad cell-phone connection, and the image on the screen was full of static. I could see a silhouette of what might be an image of me, but too fuzzy to make out.
"You mean, I'm calling me from my future," I corrected, trying to gather my senses.
"Whatever," my voice laughed, "You're gonna love it here."
"In the future?"
"Sure, you have a lot to look forward to."
"Tell me more," I sat up.
"Well, networks here are all wireless, with practically unlimited bandwidth."
"Uh, no kidding -?"
"Absolutely, With wireless networks, everything is infinitely elastic. I can transfer terabytes in micro-seconds. Wires are pretty much a thing of the past."
"Well, except for power I suppose."
"Nope, wireless power too. Tesla finally won the argument. Changed the entire architecture of data centers. Now we don't have raised floors, we have raised machines. We can use the horizontal and vertical space in the building. IBM's Websphere machine really is a sphere now, most machines now use their entire outer-cabinet real-estate for something. No more boxes and racks."
"And storage is all in the cloud, nobody has real data centers hosting storage anymore."
"So centralized data centers all over the world?"
"No, as storage became denser and faster, we can put a petabyte on a flash stick. No big deal."
"To your point though, with the use of quantum entanglement and basically tossing out all of Einstein's constraining math, we can transfer data instantly. Storage isn't really a priority anymore."
"Pretty cool," I grinned, "But unlimited power, how -"
"No gas-powered cars anymore either. They all run on electromagnetic quantum engines. Basically generate their own fuel by capturing particles that leap-in-and-out of existence."
"That's - well, incredible."
"Yeah, when I go to work, I fly-by-wireless in my hovercar. No need to refuel - and it gets all its power wirelessly too," my voice yawned, "So yesterday."
"How far away is work?"
"I still live in Texas and can be at our Colorado center within minutes."
"But that's - "
"And I visit our site at Maria Tranquility within the hour."
"Funny, naming a site after a place on the Moon."
"You named a site after a location on the Moon."
"That's because it's actually on the Moon."
"Oh, no way!"
"YES way, dude. Dozens of shuttles and private craft leave every hour. Our biggest problem now is traffic control to the lunar surface."
"And data warehousing, well, it has undergone several facelifts. What was impossible in your time is literally yesterday's news."
"That's a pretty big claim."
"The boast of data warehousing's future was for real," my voice said, "actually, the folks in your time thought they were being visionary, but actually underplayed, or should I say, underestimated the innovators."
"What are your saying?"
"Their predictions came true," my voice said, "but fell short. Their boast of data warehousing's future fell radically short of what actually came to be."
"Like I said, you have a lot to look forward to. But when you think about it, even with predictive analytics, if you can see the future, or even accurately predict it, you've already changed it."
"If you know the outcome, doesn't it affect your behavior? If a corporate exec is very sure of the outcome, won't this affect how he markets his products, or would be just market them the same-old-way because its always been that way? And once he makes this change, it can radically affect the outcome of the prediction, with one problem - the future's not here yet so we won't know if we were right. And if it turns out wrong, we can't go back and replay it because we were the ones who changed the future by acting on it."
"So you're saying that if I can see the future, it's already in my past?"
"Something like that."
"I'd like to think - "
"Stop just thinking about it and start knowing it. We know that if someone tells us that a certain lottery number is a winner, won't we go out and buy a ticket when we wouldn't before? And when that corporate exec unleashes his campaign upon the masses, won't it affect the customer behavior? His predictive model cannot tell anyone what will happen when he acts on the predictions."
"You're right, it's not a problem here. Not yet anyhow."
"Look," my voice said, holding a square object against his silhouette, "Can you see this?"
"No, it's too fuzzy."
"It's a book," the voice said, "Changes a lot of things."
"Who's the author?"
"Someone you know," my voice said mysteriously.
"When will it arrive on bookshelves?" I implored, "And what's the title? I'd like to get a copy."
"That's kind of up to you, But there are people nipping at your heels even now. Those ideas you had for the future really work. Don't let someone else publish them before you do."
"Wait, what are you saying? Is that my book?"
"It could have been. You trained the author on everything in it. You just delayed publication because you thought you had more time."
"But I don't, you're saying."
"These ideas are already in your head, and this author was over a decade late in delivering them," my voice paused, "Why don't you just deliver them now?"
"Where do I start?"
"Start where you would start," my voice was breaking up even more, "Good luck."
The image faded and my voice trailed off. Now the screen was filled with static. I stared at it for long moments, trying to assimilate what I had just experienced.
The most of data warehousing's past, the toast of it's present, and the boast of its future, were these just a dream, or should I -
The phone rang.
"Hello, this is Jim Stone, how are you today?" said the pleasant voice of the robo-caller.
I know that if I say anything except "fine, how are you?" the robot will politely say "Goodbye" and hang up.
So I scream into the receiver, "They have me trapped in a box filled with scorpions! You have to help me!"
"Goodbye," it said pleasantly, and disconnected.
BEEP BEEP BEEP
The alarm clock woke me up.