Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. Themechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, andthen pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are someactual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked witha P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenanceengineers.Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in a latitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minutedescent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Target radar hums.S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.